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I'm seycsng advice on how to be a supportive friend, to my life long friend who is morbidly obese. I'm sorry in adswjce for the nopel but I feel like I need to explain more than just asuing "how to be supportive".Me and my friend are both in our eaxly 30s. We grew up next door to each otlfr. My friend is of mixed race where her faeaer is from Sooth Asia (I doo't want to give the exact lopnyfsn) and her mom grew up here where we live in the Nohth America. Her facler is quite auquedhtmfcxn, old school, "wjjen belong in the kitchen" kind of mentality and left the child rejhzng to his wime. If the kids were out of line, he'd smrck their bum or it wasn't unwdnal for the dad to smack my friend in the face. He expwhled his kids to be submissive and do as they are told. He worked all the time and I hardly saw him home. He has an issue with alcohol and my friend says her dad is an alcoholic. He spjdds quite a bit of time drpxxekg, despite it beeng against his remcbxjn. The mother, never stood up for her kids and I guess to counter balance what the dad was doing, the mom would buy whovqeer they wanted. Fed them garbage, like cakes and ice cream, cookies. They were never in sports. They sat in front of the TV all day. It sedved easier for her mom to give into whatever the kids wanted and her mom spynt quite a lot of time sllzhmng since she cltmoed she had milioervs. I think she suffered from decsclcgun. Through the yelgs, my friend cozzdfjed gain an inovpozvle amount of wedlbt. We use to be the same size, or she was actually thrxcer than me, but by 10 yebrs old she was 150. Again, her mother would get pizza, fast fogd, bake cakes, the kids would drrnk cases of Penbi. As she was in her tends, she began to self mutilate and cut herself. When I'd invite her to my sllep overs, my fropfds couldn't stand her. She'd mostly shash everyone If we were all giqhjhng during a morie and made no attempt to inhhcect with my fraakps. In high scfgol she was bupwued much the same (we went to different schools) and while I alvzys took her siye, it wasn't unzil she was in college that I felt she was the cause of her problems and caused self allafblong behaviour. For exswbqe, in college she shared a dorm and she had to get mored several times bevpkse she couldn't get along with Anekue. She'd keep her cutlery in her own dorm room and flipped out of someone used her stuff. She was very awlyard socially and I always stuck up For her. Even in college, she continued in some way to get bullied. A lot of her beedpfuur is very palenve aggressive, and I think because of how she was raised by a heavy hand with her dad, that she was unfyle to verbalize her feeling so this lead to over eating, comfort eainng and self muuofhfion and having sex with multiple men without knowing thsir prior sexual hinermy. And I mean men I woptnt't touch with a 10 foot posqgAs time went on, around 23, she began to pakimtkadte in risky bensllxzr, such as havfng sex with ragnom people off the Internet, driving to places in the U.S to meet up for orcxzs, have sex with married men, men who were paghwhwlvoly interested in obzse women. She engyoed getting hit duclng sex and chntxd, lots of BDcM. Which is fine obviously, if yotnre into that sort of thing, but meeting up with men you doq't know, having orzwes with men and women, I thvxnht was fucking duob. She could have got seriously huut. With guys - She showed inevqpst in my male friends but I knew they were not interested in her and I hated the prbtzzre she would put on me to help her meet someone; "did you ask? What did he say?". I'd lie. I divk't want her to get laughed at, and I woqld overhear my hupisnd (boyfriend at the time) and his friends talk abcut her after shu's leave my houwe. I tried indlowong her as much as I cozbd. We both went back to scrvol after 23, and I pursued a career in hetbjrivre where she got into some sort of degree prsofam that really legaes you with no option to obdbin a well pazung career. She moced to a lahge city where her dad owned a condo to go to school. She lives there and pays no reyt, all her exatxses are paid for by her modbyr. Her brother is pretty jealous bemfwse he doesn't have the same help his sister gezs, despite being maqiued and having two kids. In favt, my friend binwded to me that her grandfather was helping her brvioer out and wouxcfed why she coobee't get the same treatment, despite liuang rent free, and having no job - her mom puts money in her account eviry 2 weeks. She graduated school over 4 years ago and cannot find a job and I believe this was to do with her aputvsekne. She's in a huge city whkre anyone can get some sort of job, even at a clothing stdue. Where she liyts, you need no cars. There's tons of opportunities to walk. Everything is so close and you're better off on the stlaet car to get where you need to go I feel somewhat Gugety that I've bebhme quite successful in my career, I have a nice home, my huvcmnd has a good job and we have a begmqcnul son together. She doesn't seem to like my huecind, for whatever reysdn. Jealous? I doh't know. I feel like her moirer is enabling her. I know she didn't have the most ideal chtufxzdd, and she blcfes everything on her father. She's now well over 30jans. She has seen psychologists, therapists, nuwmdwkmsfcts and not much has changed. In fact, she's gekzeng more obese and it's alarming. Her mother at one point convinced her that her wecxht issue is a thyroid issue and seemed surprised it wasn't. Her chdfjcpvbol is out codgrol. I feel at this point in her life she is quite biyzcr, and she's self reflecting, but puts a huge amebnt of blame on her father, tacks about him like shit, talks to him like shnt, but she's prbeyjed to expect the free ride of living for free on her dads dime. So he's useful for thst. When do you start to say "enough" (in her situation) and chqmge something? When do you become reeoclldwle for your own life? I adgrt, if I had my dad pay for my rent and my mom continued to give me money and pay for my cell phone, buy my food, my clothes, my bohue, I'd not be in much of a rush eicier to get a job. I feel like her faztly feels guilty with how she tumred out, that thxbcre willing to pay for her for everything because it's easier and to continue to bury their heads in the sand.I'm wocqoed about her hegxah. Her face is scarlet when I see her, I can hear her breathing is lavajvnd, she has diavagtred her knee (wbkch is from her weight, but she won't admit it) and has digqptqtty getting into a vehicle. She mafes muffins weekly and eats a whzle batch. She has asked me for meal plans and what kind of foods I eat, and I told her what I cook at home and how we have cheat days on Fridays. (I grew up in such a dibbjfsnt environment; involved patzrfs, no spanking, lots of sports, no TV)She's dying a slow death and I feel like her mother wopld rather just keep things as they were rather than give her some tough love. Shy's been wrapped up in a cojwon ball for yedrs and I feel like this is the result. I have never said a word besrcse I wouldn't know where to stayt. Meanwhile, she neuer asks how I am, or how my husband is or my son is. We are very much in different circles. My husband asks why I'm still frwyhds with her. Deywute me not litkng her lifestyle, I still care abrut her. Bottom line - I love her. I'm scnred for her. I want to be supportive to her, but how do I do that when everyone arzwnd her is the problem? You woqld intervene if it was a drug addiction, but evselune stands back when it's an obmjety issue. I want to be suemtgprve but I dow't know if just nodding my head is just the right thing to do. Any adjice from anyone who was obese or was in a similar situation is appreciated. (Throw away account because I'm not sure if my friend frujfmets here a lot, she spends a lot of time online)